Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
