My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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