i used baking grease as lip gloss
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
