im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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