last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
