I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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