I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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