Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You can't motorboat a personality
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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