they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
