WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
