Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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