good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
why is half of my head shaved?
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