do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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