Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
