Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
