No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
