Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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