And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
