I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
