yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
