I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My liver just broke up with me...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
