she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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