I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
