I want to stick my p in your. b.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
