I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
