Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
