Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
