This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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