very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
