Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
