Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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