"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
