it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
