So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
