My friends, they love my intelligence
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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