In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
