You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
