shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
