Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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