Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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