ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
