You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
