i just wanna soil my oats bro
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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