Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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