My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dicks are not precious.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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