just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
