I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
