my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Buhtt sex?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
