My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
