Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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