Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
