So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
