We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize