i may or may not be watching the land before time
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
