i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
