But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
