I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
