Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
