You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
