Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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