can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
