You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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