I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
