dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
