i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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