I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
