Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
