i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
